IcyQueenGoddess.Net

Quite a few of my friends have been all a chatter about the new 7-11 slurpee mystery flavours. So this is exciting ya? When I was in university (Yes, just to humour all of you haters who like to point out that I am old, they had 7-11s and slurpee back then too) … I was quite a big fan of the slurpee.

What’s not to like?

It’s cold. It’s sweet. It has ice shavings. All this before Starbucks came up with their ice-blended coffee stuff. Or was that Coffee Bean. I don’t know .. I don’t drink coffee.

You know, I really hate coffee. I hate the taste of it. I hate the smell of it …

…… oh wait, that’s a different post.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, 7-11. So anyway, after all the talk about the new mystery flavours all the way from here to East Malaysia (I mean, even my friend who’s just gotten back from a 2-month trip around the world has tried it!), I finally decided to go take a look. After all these years of downing Coke Light, I just figured it might be nice to go back to something a little more retro once in a while. Y’know … relive the past and all that.

I confidently sauntered into the nearest 7-11 I could find and lo and behold, the magnificent slurpee machine greets me with …….

Ah well. So much for THAT thought.

Anyway, I’m finally done with my Friends DVD marathon so anyone wants to borrow the full 10 seasons (Yes, I watched them all STRAIGHT non-stop) you can drop me a holler. Offer valid to people who actually know me in real life. Adios.

I was walking around during a shopping expedition with some girlfriends, (you know lar how it is with us women) when I spotted this.

I was overcome with a strange sense of deja vu … like somewhere, somehow, I’ve met up with this cow before. Then it hits me.

Well, whaddaya know. How uncanny! I’ve met the Tocklet, now I’m meeting the cowlet! Hahaha!

On another short note, for some strange bizarre reason, a few people have taken me to task about me not lashing out at Shadowfox.

I’m going like ‘huh’?

Thing is, the way I look at it is like this.

I will say this again. I’m not trying to be a saint or whatever. I’m human. I’m not saying it like it’s an excuse or yadda yadda yadda da blah. It’s a fact. I’m a very feisty opinionated person (and for the record, not cute and sweet, grr!  …. old, okay lar … maybe. Heh.) and I have never been afraid to tell people off nor have I ever been afraid to go where demons fear to tread for the things/people that matter. But sometimes, I am wrong and I myself get told off by others. Life is fair like that. If you can convince me that I am wrong (this is not easy, I’m a Scorpio and I am pigheadedly stubborn but it IS possible. Really. ) then I will say sorry and apologize. If it is realistically viable, I will try to fix things the best I can, then I learn from my experiences and I try to become a better person.

What else is there to do? I honestly suck at world domination.

I’ve known about Shadowfox and his blog for YEARS and in this time, he’s always been a gossip-monger and a mud-slinger. He’s never pretended to be otherwise and he doesn’t hide behind some self-righteous, moralistic, “I’m better then you” façade. Strange as it sounds, I actually do respect him for his right to be whoever and whatever he wants to be on his own blog.

I am not saying that what he writes is true. I’m not saying what he writes is right.

BUT

What I am saying is that I realise whatever he has written IS. NOT. PERSONAL.

Shadowfox doesn’t know me. I don’t know him. He has never pretended to be a friend. He gossips and throws mud at everyone and anyone as he pleases. Today, he’s saying shit about me .. tomorrow, who knows? Maybe it’s going to be you.

Yes, it is extremely difficult, upsetting and hurtful to read what he writes but I’m not about start whining because it’s my turn to hold the short end of the stick.

That is why you never see me flaming or attacking him in any way. No point. Life’s fucked up enough for the possibility that maybe in another time or place or situation, we could even have been buddies.

So. I’ve had a fantastic weekend and Shadowfox, I hope you’ve had one too. You have a beer on me. Cheers!

So it’s finally here, the much awaited 8th of August 2008.

08.08.08

Auspicious dates heralds auspicious days which calls for auspicious posts.

Here, have a uber-atas chill pill on me. Heck, here’s two.

Now let’s all go watch TV. China just gave birth to the Beijing 2008 Olympics. Woot!

Edit: When I wrote this post, I realised that this would cause me to be a further target of all manner of flaming. I thought long and hard before I published it. Yet, this is my opinion, I will stand by it and I will not apologize for it. If you disagree and wish to abuse me for this, I will respect that as well and take it in my stride. This will be the first and last time I will speak of this matter, so go ahead and flame away. Cheers.

- MEDDLING

- NOSEY

- JUDGMENTAL

- PHARISAICAL

- SANCTIMONIOUS

- TREACHEROUS

- INDISCREET

You know nothing of what you are speaking of and you will stop at nothing to sully others to protect and justify yourself, just to prove that you are right and everyone else is wrong.

I have made mistakes. I have said things I don’t mean in anger which I have regretted. I came all out and apologized. To you and to everyone else.

Do you remember that I wrote you this SMS after the MSN conversation?

“SA, I want to thank you again for putting up with me on MSN the other day. You are right of course. I am just too damaged to accept it. But know that I do appreciate it and thank you so much again for being such a wonderful friend.”

Yet, it never is enough for you is it?

I wanted to tell S about K and myself because she was already leaving me comments like “You’re like family” and it dawned upon me that if the longer we keep the truth from her, the more she is going to hurt when she finds out. It was only when K explained to me the dire consequences of her failing her exams that I understood and prompted me to agree to damage control measures.

Not that it matters now .. thanks to you.

K told me that you have been sworn to secrecy. No point password-protecting posts when you are going to give out the password indiscriminately. Now I get to tell K “I told you so”.

Despite the fact that I have always tried my best to be nice, polite and apologetic to you, and despite the fact that I tried to soften the blow and promised you that I would speak to Tocklet and talk to people who have been spreading rumours about you … now I find out about what you have been writing about me behind my back.

Because your self-righteous anger absolves you from everything, no matter who you hurt. No matter who you discredit. Just so you can come up smelling like roses.

You were NEVER on my side. I have realized this from the get go.

With friends like you, who needs enemies.

The Dark Knight is awesome and I am so sorry that Heath Ledger is dead.

I went to catch the movie last week at Sunway Piramid after dinner and a Chelsea training session with a friend, a can of Coke Light and a pack of Cheezels. I went with high expectations as I heard so much good about it and just this once, I was not to be dissappointed.

The Joker in The Dark Knight is everything I had hoped for and more. He is totally insane, completely demented and irrefutably deranged but at the same time, he also has enough presence of mind to be so bloodcurdlingly cruel and deliciously dangerous that you cannot help but feel that you simply must take him seriously.

“It’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message. Everything burns!”

People who have all the time in the world to bicker about the things that supposedly matter once caught my attention with the postulate that perhaps the never-ending struggle in this world is not about God vs Satan or good vs evil per se but about order vs chaos.

The Joker is intriguing because he makes a sort of perverse sense. He is a product of a violent and abusive world and thus, he structures his being around what he knows.

Like all of us.

So we like him because we know in another world and in another place, we could have been him.

“It’s a schemer who put you where you are. You were a schemer. You had plans. Look where it got you. I just did what I do best-I took your plan and turned it on itself. Look what I have done to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple bullets. Nobody panics when the expected people get killed. Nobody panics when things go according to plan, even if the plans are horrifying. If I tell the press that tomorrow a gangbanger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will get blown up, nobody panics. But when I say one little old mayor will die, everyone loses their minds! Introduce a little anarchy, you upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I am an agent of chaos. And you know the thing about chaos, Harvey? It’s fair.”

Logic like that is hard to argue with. It’s hard to beat the system. I have always considered myself a daughter of chaos. I am sure you can tell. Haha.

Yet, ritualized brain-washing by the components of order under the guise of good-manners, the laws of common decency and civilized behavior dictate my actions more often not. A certain brand of hypocrisy that we all carry forces me to greet the most meddling, nosey, judgmental, pharisaical, sanctimonious, treacherous and indiscreet specimen of a human being I have ever had the misfortune of meeting this side of the country with a cheery greeting and a smile, when deep down, there is nothing more that would bring me more satisfaction then to source for a large object and bludgeon her to death.

Yup. Order vs Chaos.

“You thought we could be decent men at indecent times. But you were wrong; the world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance. Unbiased. Unprejudiced. Fair.”

Why so serious?

I finally realized how this whole silly situation has reached a pinnacle of sorts when I actually received an offer from a local tabloid to ’sell my story’. More was offered if I could provide ‘tangible evidence’. WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF There is nothing much to sell anyways even if I was tempted but what sticks out in my mind is the reaction of KY when I told him about this.

“Haiya! So little money. Ask them for at least RM20K lar, can pay off car loan.”

The stark contrast of his down-to-earth and practical business-like approach, in times when sheer common sense and lucidity of mind is such a rare commodity, left me laughing myself to bits.

When people speak of the perfect woman, somehow Ringo always seems to pop up in my mind. Of all the women I know personally to date, she is the one that is most deserving of the title if you ask my honest opinion.

She has achieved so much in her life at such a young age with so little. Cheesie is not only smart, savvy and intelligent. She is also one of the sweetest people I know who sucessfully tempers her sharp intuition with such kindness and gentleness that you cannot help but love her and want to spend all your time with her.

She is such a beautiful person inside that it sometimes seems totally unfair that the woman is also naturally damn hot to look at.

I mean, she looks fabulous in ANYTHING. Throw a sack on her, and she will make the sack look good.

Cheesie’s actually the only person I know that looks like the real deal in those freakishly fugly rompers.

No wonder she is such an absolute die-hard camwhore. 6-days with her in Bali and every single one of us also kena from her. Hanoman, the Warrior Monkey King from the Ramayana also cannot run away!! Dun pray pray ….

Over time, however, I came to notice something very strange about her. For a woman who tips the scales at 38kg, Ringo eats A LOT. If there is any delicious food to be had, you can always count on her suddenly appearing out of nowhere to sample the good stuff.

This absolutely slim woman is eating ALL THE DAMN TIME. She even eats PORK LARD! (Sorry. I don’t have a picture of her eating pork lard.)

Six days and nights of watching Cheesie chowing down to her heart’s content, and STILL look like THIS, I also beh tahan already. So I finally asked her about the secret of her fantastic physique.

Being the absolutely sweetheart that she is, Ringo told me about her Ultimate Diet.

Okay lar toots. I must clarify that this is not an advertorial. Cheesie’s not paying me to write about this. It’s just that Kenko Diet Plum is the best stuff ever! I’ve tried it myself and I must say after dabbling in all kinds of unhealthy stuff to lose weight, this is a fabulous find.

Sharing is caring okay?

Shocked that it took me this long to find out about Kenko Diet Plum, I was eager to try and I got my first pack from Cheesie to sample. While I was taking it for it’s weight loss effects, I noticed that Kenko Diet Plums also helps me in other health aspects as well.

I have been suffering from chronic constipation for the longest time due to my intake of iron supplements to boost my low blood pressure. The plums actually regulated my bowel movements which was such a relief!! I also noticed that the eventual removal of toxins in my system resulted in my skin and overall outlook appearing more radiant.

No wonder that Ringo looks so awesome all the time. Now I know her secret!!!!

So kalau mau cuba-cuba, you know how to contact her lar. Takkan Malaysia’s top female blogger pun lu tak tau .. hehehehe!

Yep. Most times comments are off. They are also moderated.

Primarily because of trolls and cowardly shit-stirrers that have nothing else better to do then to hurt people for fun.

True, they can go elsewhere to do it. But this is my blog and I am not going to stand for it here.

For those of you who left legitimate comments, please know that I have read them and I am very grateful for your insight. However, I don’t feel right in only approving comments which I like and banning the others which I don’t. I just feel it is only fair that all comments regarding this whole sordid fiasco is kept private for my eyes only.

But anyways, thank you.

I have a lot of faults. I have a lot of failings. I wish it wasn’t so. But it is true.

A 60% payrise. Two steps up the corporate ladder. Six months bonus. An opportunity that does not come everyday.

I told everyone I turned it down because of a 5-year bond (because I told everyone about the interview). With the high staff turnover rate in my industry, anyone in the know would realise that this is not true.

I did care. I did try. Before everything fell on me and I broke.

I am very sorry that I failed.

For the longest time, I did try my best to care for you both, to think about your interests above my own and I wanted more then anything to make things right.

Again, I’m terribly sorry that I couldn’t.

But please. Know my heart.

Last night, I had a lot of things that I wanted to say. I had completed a post complete with screenshots of various SMS-es, MSN conversations and emails. Rather damaging stuff, I might add.

However, I realised after I finished it that I was really feeling quite fed-up with this shit. I mean, I was supposed to have walked away. There are no winners in this whole schbang, only losers.

I guessed I kinda missed the plot.

Y’know lar … all this threatening and huffing and puffing business can be very damn irritating lor. I was provoked into anger when I wrote the last two posts.

I am not proud of myself.

I’m sorry.

All this is coming to a head. Months and months of bottled up emotions can get very confusing. Yesterday night, I had a conversation with two wonderful people who helped me sort out what’s wrong and what’s right.

Some months back, at our lowest point of both our lives, a very good friend and I reached out to each other for comfort. Things got complicated. We both have tried to make things right the best we can but we could not and I think we have both been punished for what we have done.

Again, we are sorry. I am sorry.

I am not proud of what I did. I am not proud of what I have become. This is not the person I want to be. I do not want to be the kind of person that goes online and throws mud around. I’ve done it once before in the past and I had always wanted that to be the first and last time.

After all, very few, few people are worth it. This one is not.

Some fool is trying to hold our friendship hostage in an attempt to bully and manipulate me to do what he wants.

Okay lar, not just me but that is besides the point.

Sorry toots, I’m not going to do it just cause you demanded that I do it. If you’re not going to see me, answer my calls or sms because I won’t do what you want ….. guess what, I’m just not going to call lar wtf. I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing this for me.

What is this? Kindergarten?

Then the awful truth hits me.

So enough is enough.

Look. I am very sorry for everything that I have done wrong. I never meant to hurt anyone. That is the honest truth. I have made mistakes and for all of that, I do extend my sincere and heartfelt apologies.

At the end of the day, however, I think I have paid my dues and I think it is time for me to move on to bigger and better things that are waiting for me. I will have to live with the consequences of my actions. Believe me, I have learnt a very, very harsh lesson and I want to be able to put aside my ego/pride long enough to be able to strive to be a better person then the person I am today.

I have already had MY very rude awakening….

… and it does break my heart that someone else would have to learn the hard way that you can ban people you don’t like from Facebook, that men you love sometimes do lie and deceive you and will continue doing so if you let them.

But that’s not my problem anymore.

You want to ask my ex-boyfriend, then ask lar. My ex is a good man. I loved him and he loved me. You honestly think he would want to get involved with something like this and layan you? Sheesh.

I know my men.

Do you know yours?

Don’t forget, like him, it was you who came to me. Not the other way around. Loving girlfriends do not complain about the condition of their boyfriend’s penises, bitch about his inferior genetics and disclose personal details of his family’s financial information to people that they have just met for two hours. Tell me lar … are you the kind of girlfriend to be trusted, Samantha Poh? What kind of help were you seeking from me when you were letting loose with this tirade of verbal diarrhea?

Has he not also tried to break it off with you many, many times? Did he not come to you to tell you that he is no longer in love with you? Did he not come crying his heart out asking you to let him go? Did you not wear him down with 6 hours of SMS-es trying to convince him to consider it a “time out” and that he still loves you?

Have you ever asked him why he does not want to have sex with you anymore?

So I manipulated you? Why should I take all the trouble? Nothing else better to do is it? When it is clear to all and sundry that it is just a matter of time before you and him would go bust? If I REALLY wanted him, all I needed to do was wait and make my move when he’s finally single.

He’s even already told me WHEN he wanted to break up with you. The only reason he is still technically with you is because he’s trying to be humane.

After all, even before I met you, he told me that he has always wanted to be single and the only reason that he was with you was because you were trying so damn hard. In Bali, he’s described you as the “girlfriend that is not bad enough to break up with but not good enough to have anything else with”. Oh yeah, I have witnesses. Why do you think Cheeserland and Tocklet have been so supportive despite the fact that I didn’t like Ringo the first time I met her but have now grown to love her to bits … just like he does?

I am not the kind of person who does things unprovoked. People who know me, know my heart. They know that I will defend all the people that I love. I have defended you many, many times. To your boyfriend. To friends. To strangers. That was before you started to freak me out.

I don’t ask for gratitude, I know what I did wrong. I kept my peace. But if you want to destroy me, I will defend myself. I am not the first to call you vindictive and vicious. Even he thinks you are capable of murdering him in his sleep.

You can say whatever you want to say. You can do whatever you want to do. I will always have people to support me and hold my hand. Even my boss is my friend. They will help me get through whatever you or anyone else throws at me.

You, however, are stuck with a boyfriend that neither loves you nor wants you and cannot wait until the day that he is single again. There is nothing you can do or say at this point that can ever change that fact because it is already public knowledge and it is just that no one, including him, has had the heart to tell you.